When the Shepherd Needs a Shepherd: Soul Care for Ministry Leaders
We’ve talked before about discouragement that lingers, the helplessness we feel when trying to help, and the fact that even those who preach the gospel must feed on it themselves.
But what happens when all that truth still feels like not quite enough—when the tears come more often, the joy fades, and the fog never lifts?
If that’s where you are (and I’ve been there), please don’t walk through it alone. Isolation usually deepens the struggle.
After our adoption, I tried to hide my weakness, thinking I’m a pastor’s wife; I should be able to handle this. But secrecy only multiplied the ache—and I want to spare you that mistake.
The Unspoken Struggle
If you’re a pastor, counselor, ministry leader, or the friend everyone calls on for help, you’re probably good at pushing through. You teach, serve, and pour out and are genuinely grateful to be used by God.
Yet it also entirely normal to experience that low-grade ache inside: fatigue from the pace, unresolved sin, growing bitterness, or plain numbness. You keep thinking, Once this season passes… once I get a break…
I’ve been there too, whispering excuses that kept me from seeking care. Have you used any of these six false beliefs yourself?
1. “Needing help is a sign of weakness.”
We might not admit this out loud, but we live like it. This redefines strength in worldly terms—self-sufficiency rather than dependence.
Scripture, however, shows us a different perspective: God’s power is actually perfected in weakness (2 Cor 12:9). When we humbly accept help, we also accept our humanity and the limits God wisely built into us.
2. “I should be able to handle this.”
Self-reliance can masquerade as responsibility, but self-sufficiency is not a fruit of the Spirit. Even Jesus invited close friends to watch and pray with Him in Gethsemane.
God never designed us to shepherd our own souls in isolation. Rather, He places us in a body where we need the support and help of others.
3. “It’s not for people like me.”
Whether spoken or not, this kind of thinking often reveals misplaced identity or subtle pride. Leaders can start to believe they’re above needing care.
But the gospel levels the ground, reminding us we are sheep before we are shepherds—and we never outgrow our need for grace.
4. “I don’t want to burden anyone.”
Behind this sentiment often lurks fear of rejection or a low view of Christian community.
Yet bearing one another’s burdens is not an inconvenience; it is a calling for all of us (Gal 6:2). Refusing to share your load robs others of obedience and you of relief.
5. “Other people have it worse.”
Comparison sounds humble but can minimize legitimate sorrow. Jesus never said, “Come if your pain is bad enough.” He simply said, “Come.” Your quiet, lingering burdens matter to Him.
6. “I already know what to do.”
We often confuse knowledge for transformation. Though it is humbling to invite someone into your struggle, God often uses other believers to help move truth from head to heart to hands.
All six of these lies—rooted in shame, pride, fear, or comparison—can leave us isolated and depleted.
Thankfully, the gospel offers a kinder script:
I need help, and that’s not failure—that’s faith.
I am not the Savior; I’m a servant who needs One.
My pain matters to God, even if others have more.
Making Room for the Help We Need
Even when our hearts are willing, two practical hurdles often remain: 1) time and 2) where to go. Let’s examine four possible sources of help and some ideas, from the simplest to most involved.
1. Personal Spiritual Practices
Sometimes we don’t realize how we’ve compromised or cut short our own devotional time. Or you go through the motions without really engaging with God. You’re definitely not alone!
Try an extended half-day with Scripture and prayer (try one of our mini-retreats!), or refresh your routine with a gospel-centered counseling book such as Untangling Emotions by Alasdair Groves and Winston Smith. Don’t just take notes but interact and journal and apply what you’re reading.
2. Community Support
Often times, talking to a trusted friend has been helpful for me. God designed us to live in community—not just to serve others, but to be served. When I am in my own head, I often fail to see another perspective or beyond my own mental blocks.
A word of nuance, however: leaders must guard healthy relational dynamics. Share enough to stop walking alone, but choose peers, fellow leaders, or trusted friends outside your immediate oversight rather than those you shepherd directly.
3. Spiritual Shepherding or Mentoring
When life feels directionless rather than crisis-ridden, a seasoned mentor can walk beside you, pray through decisions, and model faithful endurance. We encourage you to cultivate such a relationship before storms hit; having this shared history can deepen future counsel.
4. Biblical Counseling
When deeper patterns, idols, or acute suffering surface, focused biblical counseling brings Scripture to bear on specific heart issues. This option requires the most time and homework but from our own experience, may be the most fruitful and helpful. Our own post-adoption season was transformed through biblical counseling that addressed both personal responses and marriage tensions.
No single avenue fits every season, and you’ll likely need more than one. Begin small: choose one step that creates space for God to meet you in your humanity.
What OakHaven Offers
Finding trusted care can feel daunting—especially if ministry itself is part of the strain or you serve bivocationally without peers to confide in. If this is you, it would be an honor for us to walk with you. OakHaven exists to help you endure faithfully through the hard seasons of ministry.
You can start with the mini-retreat guides or resources we offer on our blog. If you need more specific and personal care, please fill out an interest form on our Soul Care page. Even doing this can help clarify next steps. We’ll follow up with a discovery call to discern how we might best serve you.
Counseling and mentoring are not emergency protocols; they are ordinary means of grace we ourselves still pursue. Whether you reach out to OakHaven or another trusted ministry, don’t wait until you break. God’s restoring grace most often arrives through the wise, loving presence of another believer.