Walking Through Darkness: A Biblical Approach to Depression
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” — Psalm 42:5 (ESV)
In 2012, we adopted our daughter from China. She was seven years old, and although I had some hesitations, I trusted that if God was leading us, He would also help us through whatever came. I thought that kind of faith would make things go smoothly. But by 2015, I found myself in a season of deep darkness.
Our daughter’s challenges were greater than we ever expected. We tried every therapy, every routine, but progress came slowly, if at all. I was homeschooling our three other children and could barely keep up. Everything felt like too much. I felt like I was failing—at parenting, at adoption, even at following Christ.
As a pastor’s wife, I felt the pressure to appear composed, even though inside I was struggling. So I put on a brave face on Sundays but mostly hid in my husband’s office, too weary to talk to anyone. Spiritually, I felt abandoned and wrestled with thoughts that God might be distant or disappointed, even though I knew in my mind He was faithful. My heart grew bitter and distant. I wondered if I even belonged to Him at all.
Then one morning, a friend met me for breakfast. She looked at me and kindly commented, “You look like a shadow of who you once were.” That simple observation cracked something open in my hardened heart. She didn’t try to fix me—she entered in, listened, and prayed. Through that conversation, God set me in motion on a new track back towards Him and life.
We released our expectations for our daughter. I began biblical counseling, first for myself, and then with my husband. Little by little, hope returned. And slowly, I realized God hadn’t left. He had been present all along. I just didn’t see Him.
It’s been thirteen years since our adoption. I admit: all is not changed. Life is still challenging. But though I still have moments of sadness, God has helped me develop a new pathway so that even if I feel dragged under, there is a way out. He comforted me in that dark season to lead me back to Himself—and now, I hope, can be of help to others. He has not wasted these years of my life.
Maybe you’re in that dark season right now and completely relate. If so, let me assure you—you’re not alone. Depression can happen to faithful Christians too. It doesn’t mean your faith is fake or that God has abandoned you. It means you are human and in need of His grace.
If you find yourself wondering where God is, scolding yourself for not being stronger, or hesitant to hope because change feels impossible, I hope you’ll keep reading. My prayer is that as you walk through this season with your eyes fixed on Him, you’ll begin to experience the comfort He promises—and one day, be able to offer that same comfort to someone else.
Why Do I Feel Depressed?
Many things can happen in our lives that move us toward the path of depression. For me, it was a change in my situation that created intense stress. I was working hard during this season, trying to keep my head above water without taking the rest of my family down with me—and I just couldn’t do it.
But others may have different experiences. Depression can follow physical or bodily strains such as postpartum changes, chronic illness, sleep deprivation, or side effects from medications. It can also be tied to relational losses, such as the death of a loved one, ongoing isolation, or unresolved conflict.
On a broader level, cultural and circumstantial pressures can also weigh us down. We may compare ourselves with others and feel like we fall short. We may labor faithfully and still face failure, rejection, or lack of recognition. These can leave us feeling discouraged that gradually morphs into despair.
Sometimes we feel abandoned or unseen—not only by people, but even by God. Though Scripture assures us His presence is steadfast, even when hidden from our perception, we wonder if it’s true. We pray and hear no answer so we wonder if we’ve done something wrong to cause this silence. We turn inward, searching for sin or fault, hoping that confession will restore our fellowship and joy, but often find little relief.
Common Experiences of Depression
The experience of depression can look very different for each person. For some, depression feels like a gray fog where even prayer feels heavy. Still others (like me) may look busy on the outside but are drowning within. Which of these describe you?
Persistent sadness or tearfulness; a heavy darkness that seems to drain joy.
Emotional numbness — feeling “dead but walking,” with no sense of anticipation or delight.
Irritability, frustration, or restlessness.
A sense of spiritual emptiness, even when you know gospel truths are true.
A feeling of monotony — each day blending into the next.
Changes in sleep — insomnia or oversleeping that leaves you still exhausted.
Feeling overwhelmed by minor tasks; difficulty coping, often affecting your ability to function day to day.
Decision-making feels exhausting or confusing.
Withdrawal from people or activities, even though you long for connection.
Strained family relationships or friendships that leave you feeling isolated or unseen.
Feelings of hopelessness or a diminished sense of future.
Mental fog or a sense that your thoughts are moving in slow motion.
Heightened self-criticism, self-condemnation, or guilt.
Significant changes in appetite or weight.
Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or a sense that life is not worth living.
Each symptom alone may not indicate immediate danger, but their persistence or severity is important to monitor. While there is no rigid timeline, if these feelings persist for more than two weeks, it is wise to seek help from both your pastor and a healthcare professional. This is especially important if your symptoms are interfering with daily life, work, or relationships.
Seeking medical help is not a sign of weakness. It can rule out or address physical contributors to your symptoms, such as postpartum hormonal shifts, thyroid disease, or side effects from certain medications.
Because depression involves both the body and the soul, it’s also vital to include your pastor, biblical counselor, or a trusted Christian friend for prayer and ongoing spiritual care. You are not meant to walk through this in isolation.
If you are experiencing recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, especially if you have a plan or intent, seek immediate help from a medical professional, emergency services, or a trusted pastor. You are not alone, and help is available.
Thinking About Depression With a Biblical Lens
During my own experience with depression, I hadn’t yet been introduced to biblical counseling, so I vacillated between two extremes. When I thought I could fix things myself, I worked tirelessly to make life better. When I couldn’t, or when the weight became too much, I escaped, often by binge-watching Netflix. Neither approach worked. The first left me exhausted and tense; the second dulled my heart toward God and others. Both revealed that I was trying to manage my pain apart from Him.
In time, I began to see that my struggle wasn’t only emotional or circumstantial. It was deeply spiritual. What I needed wasn’t just relief from symptoms but renewal of my heart. Biblical counseling helped me understand that depression cannot be healed by sheer effort or by numbing escape. It calls for honest engagement with God, His Word, and His people, inviting us to see our sorrow through the lens of His redemptive care.
While the Bible doesn’t use the word 'depression,' it does speak to deep sorrow, despair, and even feelings of wanting to die. Job, Moses, Elijah, and Paul all experienced these intense emotions, but notice how they engaged with God in the midst of them. In each case, their hearts stayed connected to God, even in darkness:
Job poured out his heart, even asking God to crush him, yet it was a prayer, not a desire to harm himself (Job 3:11, 3:23).
Moses spoke honestly to God about his overwhelm in prayer (Numbers 11:14–15).
Elijah expressed his despair under the broom tree (1 Kings 19:4).
Paul reflected on his struggles in the light of gospel hope (2 Corinthians 1:8–10, Romans 5:3–5).
This reminds us that when we face similar feelings, we don’t have to navigate them alone or apart from God. Bringing our sorrow, frustration, and fear to Him is the first step toward understanding, comfort, and hope, even in the depths of depression.
Like David in Psalm 40, He draws us out of the pit (v. 2), reminding us that He is near to help, even if we feel alone (Ps. 34:18). He was with Jonah in the belly of the fish (Jonah 2), and we can be confident that He walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death as well (Ps. 23:4). He is, as He promises, Emmanuel—”God with us.” (Matt. 1:23)
This feeling of disconnection and aloneness, I believe, is what kept me stuck. I was too ashamed of my weakness to be with others, yet craved presence. Praise God that He is not uncomfortable with messy people.
But another step towards healing for me came when I was willing to humble myself to receive help from others. It started with a friend who invited me to share. Little by little, as I realized the shame I felt was self-inflicted, I began to feel more comfortable being honest about my weakness.
This is what God calls us to do in Galatians 6:1-2. Healing is not only medical or psychological. It is relational and redemptive. Whether through a conversation with a friend or putting ourselves under more formal care of a counselor, the presence of godly friends who represent Christ to us helps us to lament, repent, and start taking of faith and obedience.
For me, these were the very things I lacked. Yet in His mercy, God provided exactly what I needed: friends who entered into my struggle, walked alongside me, and most importantly, pointed me back to Him. It is from this place that we can begin to walk with God through the darkest nights of the soul.
Walking with God Through the Darkest Nights of the Soul
If the key to walking through depression is not trying to escape it or handle it alone as I did, then how might we get started? Here are a few suggestions for engaging your heart with God and taking faithful steps toward hope.
1. Noticing Your Experience
Begin by pausing to notice what you are feeling. Are your struggles fleeting and tied to specific situations, or have they persisted and started to affect your daily life, relationships, or sense of hope? Take time to reflect honestly on the patterns in your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.
Some things to consider might include:
How consistent or intense is your sadness or heaviness?
Are you losing interest or joy in activities you once enjoyed?
Is fatigue, irritability, or restlessness interfering with daily life?
Do your thoughts feel cloudy, slowed, or preoccupied with guilt or despair?
Are you withdrawing from others or struggling to engage socially?
Are there thoughts of hopelessness, self-condemnation, or even death?
This is not meant to diagnose, but to help you observe your experience carefully. Honest reflection can show where you need support—through prayer, community, Scripture, and possibly professional care—so you are not facing this journey alone.
2. Journal Your Patterns
If you find journaling helpful, take time to reflect and write about your experiences in detail. As you do, look for recurring thoughts, situations, or relationships that consistently intensify your sadness. Ask yourself questions like:
When do I notice my spirit feels heaviest? Are there specific times, people, or circumstances that trigger this?
What thoughts repeatedly run through my mind—about myself, others, or God?
Are there desires, expectations, or fears that I am clinging to instead of trusting God with them?
How is my body responding—fatigue, sleep, appetite—and how does that connect with my emotions?
Where have I tried to find comfort apart from God, and how has that helped or hindered me?
Most importantly, invite God into your reflections. I like to write my reflections as a form of prayer. Ask Him to reveal what patterns point to idols, unprocessed grief, or unmet needs that He wants to address. This exercise is not about self-condemnation but about increasing awareness, seeing where God’s truth and care can meet you in your pain and guide your next steps toward healing.
3. Interact with God in Lament and Faith
When we feel sad, we don’t need to marinate in it. Instead, bring your sadness honestly to God. Like Job, Moses, Elijah, or David in the Psalms, allow yourself to lament: express your grief, anger, and confusion, while holding on to faith that God hears and sees (Psalm 42; Psalm 13). This is not a passive exercise. Lament engages both your emotions and your trust in God’s character.
If you are not familiar with lament, here’s a post I wrote on my personal blog that goes through the different movements of lament, starting with addressing God, complaint, and a turn towards faith and trust while working through Psalm 5.
4. Interact With Scripture Through Prayer
Once you have honestly brought your grief to God, take time to reflect on the thoughts and beliefs your heart may be holding. Sometimes, deep sorrow or despair can be directly connected to patterns of sin or self-deception. David, for example, felt overwhelmed and miserable because of his sin (Ps. 32:3), and a major step toward relief was asking God for His forgiveness and experiencing His restoration (Psalm 32:5).
However, sometimes our circumstances may not be directly correlated with our sinful actions, but we can make it worse by responding to it sinfully, as I did. After lamenting how hard things are, it is right to humble yourself before God and ask, “Is there a heart idol, pride, or sin contributing to my despair?”
This can help uncover places where repentance and renewed trust in God are needed in our response to our suffering, even when we have done nothing wrong. This was a key realization for me, that though the stressful situation I was in following the adoption was not my doing, I was handling it in ways that were not honoring to the Lord.
If we are in Christ, we need not condemn ourselves for responding this way. Remember: we are still in process and are learning new ways of living and trusting God well in our sorrows. Rather, view this hard season right now as God’s invitation to learn a new path. Self-condemnation is not required, for there is now no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). Instead, let us humbly admit our sinful responses and bring ourselves to God, trusting that He will forgive us when we ask (1 John 1:9).
Repentance then begins as we not only address sin but seek Him for a new way out when we feel tempted to spiral downward again (1 Cor. 10:13). Like the psalmist in Psalms 42-43, begin reasoning with Scripture. Ask yourself, “Why are you cast down, O my soul?” (See this post on these psalms to help). Identify the lies your heart may be believing—worthlessness, shame, despair, and speak God’s truth in response.
This is not about guilt or pressure; it is about reclaiming your thinking from patterns of despair and anchoring it in the gospel truth that God is faithful, even in the darkness.
5. Take Steps of Faith
As mentioned earlier, depression thrives in isolation. Though you may feel resistance, ask God for strength to override it and invite trusted friends, family, or a biblical counselor into your journey. Pray with them, share your struggles, and accept their encouragement.
Small, practical steps, like keeping a routine, walking, or setting achievable goals, can also demonstrate faith in action. If necessary, work with medical professionals for physical factors, but let Scripture and community guide the heart-level healing.
Walking with Friends Through Their Depression
What if you’re not the one who is depressed? How do you help someone who is? What if they don’t want to be alone but are hard to be with? Being present with someone in the midst of depression can feel daunting, especially if you want to help but aren’t sure how. Here are some practical ways to walk alongside a friend while pointing them to Christ:
1. Start With Presence
As with our discussion on anxiety, make it your first goal to simply be present. It is not to remove their sadness or make things better. Like Job’s friends, it may start by sitting in silence together. This doesn’t need to be passive. Even if you do not speak, you can spend the time praying for them while you wait.
2. Offer Practical Support
If daily life is affected, ask if you can help wash the dishes or care for the children. This honors them by giving them the choice to accept, decline, or suggest something else. Another option is to offer to be present with them and work together to clean or get things back in order.
3. Ask Thoughtful, Open-Ended Questions
When they’re ready to talk, ask questions that allow them to share what they’re feeling. Invite them to describe what has been making life so heavy for them. These kinds of questions signal that you’re willing to hear their honest responses, even if it is hard.
4. Explore Sin Gently If Needed
If, as you are talking with your friend, you discern that their depression is tangled with unrepentant sin, such as bitterness, self-pity, unbelief, or refusal to forgive, there may be times we need to restore them in a spirit of gentleness (Gal. 6:1).
This might include starting with asking a question, such as “I wonder if some of what you just shared might be connected to your struggle right now?” They might not agree, which is okay, but it allows you to introduce the possibility. Sometimes this simply plants a seed that they may be more ready to explore later.
5. Share Truth Wisely
Though we believe gospel realities and God’s promises are what they need, approach with humility. Sometimes Scripture quoted at the wrong time or wrong tone can shut a person down from God even further. If their pain is still acute, wait a bit until they’re ready to hear.
When they are ready, prepare yourself as well. Ask God if there is something about Himself that would be of help or comfort to them at this time. Match the tone of the passage to the tone of the situation. Keep it short and simple, and save the longer passages for another time. Whatever you choose, it is His Word. Trust the Spirit to use it.
Remember: we share Scripture not because so we feel like we did our job or as a bandaid to fix the situation. We can lean on the Word with confidence that it can help while at the same time, humbly presenting it with grace along with the truth.
6. Depend on God as the Ultimate Healer
Only God can truly redeem and restore the heart. You are a helper, but you are not the Savior. Pray for your friend, point them to Christ, and rely on the Spirit to work in ways you cannot see. I’m sure my friend had no idea how, at the time, God was using her to help change my trajectory. Your faithful presence can mirror His love, helping them feel less alone in their darkness.
Walking with someone through depression is a ministry of compassion, patience, and humility. Your role is not to fix, but to reflect Christ’s steadfast love, bringing hope in the midst of sorrow.